So me and Stephen talked about it and after we hopefully get our house sold and settle into a new place we want to actually start attending church. Like voluntarily. It feels like a big step since I love being lazy and wearing yoga pants and reading trashy books on Sunday, and going to church would require getting up and like dressed and stuff, but I think I am ready.
My "personal relationship with God" has been complicated. Growing up for me was chaotic and unstable, and things were very hard for me at times. That combined with my tendency to question any sort of authority got us off on the wrong foot. I didn't speak to God for years and years. I also spent a lot of time being really angry with God about various injustices. If me and God were a couple back then, we would have spent a lot of time having really trashy fights where I threw beer in Gods face and then threw Gods clothes all over the lawn all the time. Kind of like an episode of Cops.
I didn't start talking to God until after I had my babies. I started talking to God slowly and it's just built and built over the last 4 years or so. And now I won't shut up. And maybe God is sick of hearing from me all the time now, I don't know. I guess I just decided that I don't want my kids to live in a world without an almighty force of balance, where being kind and brave is rewarded and worthwhile. I don't want my kids to grow up in a world without a God. It's too sad to think about. I never felt God in my heart growing up or as a younger adult, but it's the craziest thing that now I feel it all the time. It sounds cheesy and its hard to explain in a blog.
But anyways, I guess I need to find a church. I am not really sure how to go about that, but I guess I can just google it or something. I think I should also find like a really big hat with a bunch of flowers and feathers on it. I am pretty sure you have to wear one of those when you go to church.
