Mommy needs a glass of wine. Or maybe just a glass of sanity.

So far tonight Amelie dumped chocolate yogurt all over herself and then put the rest in her potty while I was trying to do the dishes and I am pretty sure Sawyer peed on the dog. Seriously. I tried to get them to eat real food for dinner, but eventually gave up and let Sawyer have saltines and popcorn. Again. I managed to get Amelie to bed, but now I am letting Sawyer sit up and watch He-man, master of the universe, because I dont have the energy to start the "please please go to sleep" nightly routine yet.
Just so you know- it was NOT supposed to be this way. When I got pregnant with Sawyer I had time, time, time and money in my bank account after I paid bills. It was totally weird. Anyways so I read every baby book known to man and I watched people with their kids in Walmart and judged them. Because when I had kids- people were going to see me and be all "Oh wow, thats Susannah. Her kids only eat organic, unprocessed sustainable food made with fresh local produce while they quietly review their educational materials. Maybe at somepoint she will let them watch television, but you know the American Academy of Pediatrics really doesnt recommend that until after they are at least 2. She is probably getting in from her yoga class, I think that must be how she stays a size 2."
The reality is more like "Oh yeah thats just Susannah. Why does she look so stressed out all the time? And are those her kids climbing on top of the kitchen table and jumping off of it?" So yeah sometimes reality bites. I mean I think Amelie probably ate something fruit-like today and I totally had 2 raging stomach viruses in a 2 week period once and managed to zip up a size 2 skirt for like a day so I mean small victories I guess.
But you know even though motherhood is not exactly turning out how I envisioned it, all the little small moments make it so worth it. I look down at their grubby cute little faces while they are sleeping sometimes and I love those little people so much it hurts a little down in my stomach. And I know that there is nothing I wont do for them and that everyday for the rest of my life I will get up, even though I dont feel like it and I would really rather be watching reality tv or something, and I will devote everybit of me to making sure that I am a better person because they need me to be. Its all very humbling.