Thanksgiving is such a weird holiday. Its like lets celebrate Europeans annihilating Native American culture by buying unreasonable amounts of food and then eating until we almost barf. Also lets post everyday for the whole month generic things we are thankful for on facebook while we are at it. Lets get together with our dysfunctional families and watch football. Or maybe your family is really functional- I dont know. And I am not saying I dont like Thanksgiving, I mean I like eating absurd amounts of food until I hate myself and posting stuff all over facebook as much as the next guy. Maybe more. In fact I am pretty sure there will be a picture of my kids posted on facebook doing something really adorable in Thanksgiving outfits that day, do not despair. My husband got called off work, so I decided to make a list of generic things I am thankful for:
1. I am really thankful that my husband got called off work and took over the bathing of the screaming angry toddlers because I was starting to question my ability to maintain my sanity.
2. Yoga pants.
3. Those little Krackle chocolate bars.
4. 30 rock reruns on Netflix.
5. That somehow I function in society and maintain gainful employment. And that I get to wear whatever shoes I want to work everyday.
6. That I am not pregnant.
7. That my babies are so freaking adorable.
8. Ben N Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
9. My husband thinks I am cute.
10. My dog thinks I am pretty much the coolest person who ever lived.
11. That I have 5 whole followers that read my blog and care what I have to say (thanks Grandma)
12. That my pant size is currently in the single digits.
13. Shirts that hide muffin tops.
14. Red red wine
15. That I know all the words to Beck's Loser.
16. That my kids sleep at night sometimes.
17. That no one in my house has thrown up for at least a month
18. Central heat and air
19. that owls are trendy now
20. that I actually have family and friends who can stand to be around me
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone:)
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
Blah blah blah
I just read this funny illustrated book called "Shit girls say". And so then I started thinking about how mostly I say the same stuff over and over again and I got inspired. Also I had some time on my hands since I was off work today. So here is a list of stuff that I say alot:
1. I am soooo freaking tired
2.. I really need some caffiene
3. I totally drank too much caffeine.
4. Omg please take that out of your mouth!!
5. Because I said so
6. Because you have to.
7. No we dont eat Fritos for breakfast. BECAUSE WE DONT.
8. But you have to anyways. Because if you dont we are NOT watching Thomas later.
9. Baby mommy loves you but you are really getting on mommy's nerves
10. Because mommy has a headache
11. I am totally starting my diet back tomorrow.
12. Are you gonna eat that?
13. Hold my cake for a minute.
14. Yes I would like extra cheese.
15. could I see a dessert menu?Do you have anything chocolate?
16. Is there high fructose corn syrup in that?
17. I dont know- I mean is it organic?
18. Stephen where did you put my keys????!!!
19. Seriously where are my freaking keys?
20. Oh never mind- found them:)
21. Do these jeans give me a muffin top?
22. Hold on I need to update my facebook status
23. OMG she did not just say that on my facebook page!!
24. But I really NEED these shoes.
25. Seriously?
26. What.The.Crap.
27. Mothertrucker
28. Son of a bisquick eater
29. Could you please just build a bridge and get over it?
30. Maybe you could just eat some makeup then you could be pretty on the inside too
31. 9021-Oh no she didnt
32. I will have a glass of your cheapest red wine
33. She should really worry less about her looks and more about her boring personality
34. Those shoes are SO adorable
35. Could you just stop talking for just a minute? Thanks.
1. I am soooo freaking tired
2.. I really need some caffiene
3. I totally drank too much caffeine.
4. Omg please take that out of your mouth!!
5. Because I said so
6. Because you have to.
7. No we dont eat Fritos for breakfast. BECAUSE WE DONT.
8. But you have to anyways. Because if you dont we are NOT watching Thomas later.
9. Baby mommy loves you but you are really getting on mommy's nerves
10. Because mommy has a headache
11. I am totally starting my diet back tomorrow.
12. Are you gonna eat that?
13. Hold my cake for a minute.
14. Yes I would like extra cheese.
15. could I see a dessert menu?Do you have anything chocolate?
16. Is there high fructose corn syrup in that?
17. I dont know- I mean is it organic?
18. Stephen where did you put my keys????!!!
19. Seriously where are my freaking keys?
20. Oh never mind- found them:)
21. Do these jeans give me a muffin top?
22. Hold on I need to update my facebook status
23. OMG she did not just say that on my facebook page!!
24. But I really NEED these shoes.
25. Seriously?
26. What.The.Crap.
27. Mothertrucker
28. Son of a bisquick eater
29. Could you please just build a bridge and get over it?
30. Maybe you could just eat some makeup then you could be pretty on the inside too
31. 9021-Oh no she didnt
32. I will have a glass of your cheapest red wine
33. She should really worry less about her looks and more about her boring personality
34. Those shoes are SO adorable
35. Could you just stop talking for just a minute? Thanks.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
I can dress them really cute, but I cant take them anywhere
Today I took the kids to the train table at the bookstore, where we hang like all the time. Its free, it keeps the kids busy, and I can drink my coffee and read. Well kinda, I mean really I read like a paragraph and then look up and see my kids dumping milk on other kids and then regulate, sit back down and read another paragraph and then pull something non edible out of their mouths and repeat. Its actually sort of exhausting. But I guess its free? But come to think of it they always see something they want and I end up buying milk at the coffee place inside, so hmmm........crap. Maybe I should stop going there all the time. Anyways we went there today per our routine and everything was going good. Nobody had any potty accidents, or fights about which train to play with and they hadnt even tried to eat the trains or anything. I was quietly reading my trashy book ( I am on the 2 nd book in the 50 shades trilogy) and hoping none of the other parents there would see thats what I was reading.
And then Amelie starts dumping her really overpriced Horizon organic vanilla milk with the cute straw all over someones baby and saying "here you go, here you go." And the mom looked completely freaked. So I apologized, offered a baby wipe and drug my kid away from her baby and quietly told Amelie no. And that was when shit got real at the Barnes and Noble train table. Amelie lost it like a fed up postal worker. She threw like this rock star temper tantrum, complete with head butting, screaming, and kicking. So then I had to convince Sawyer to leave, while carrying coffee, diaper bag, keys, wallet and my screaming kid and being watched by some particularly judgey moms. I think one tsk-tsked at me. But no one helped, they just judged. And then I realized I left my trashy book sitting there after I had finally made it halfway to the car. I thought about leaving it, but I am so close to finishing it and I totally want to see what happens. So I dragged the screaming toddler parade back to the train table and grabbed my trashy erotic novel with as much dignity as I could muster up while carrying 2 screaming kids and all their stuff. I think if the bookstore had security they probably would have escorted me out.
Soooooo we are getting ready to try to take the kids to the Dinosaurs thing with my family this afternoon, and frankly with the way Amelie's tantrums have been going we may end up on the news. Hopefully she has gotten it out of her system for the day. I think all these kids places should have like cash bars for the parents, they would make alot of $$.
And then Amelie starts dumping her really overpriced Horizon organic vanilla milk with the cute straw all over someones baby and saying "here you go, here you go." And the mom looked completely freaked. So I apologized, offered a baby wipe and drug my kid away from her baby and quietly told Amelie no. And that was when shit got real at the Barnes and Noble train table. Amelie lost it like a fed up postal worker. She threw like this rock star temper tantrum, complete with head butting, screaming, and kicking. So then I had to convince Sawyer to leave, while carrying coffee, diaper bag, keys, wallet and my screaming kid and being watched by some particularly judgey moms. I think one tsk-tsked at me. But no one helped, they just judged. And then I realized I left my trashy book sitting there after I had finally made it halfway to the car. I thought about leaving it, but I am so close to finishing it and I totally want to see what happens. So I dragged the screaming toddler parade back to the train table and grabbed my trashy erotic novel with as much dignity as I could muster up while carrying 2 screaming kids and all their stuff. I think if the bookstore had security they probably would have escorted me out.
Soooooo we are getting ready to try to take the kids to the Dinosaurs thing with my family this afternoon, and frankly with the way Amelie's tantrums have been going we may end up on the news. Hopefully she has gotten it out of her system for the day. I think all these kids places should have like cash bars for the parents, they would make alot of $$.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Normal is just a setting on the dryer
Just a disclaimer: if you dont want to read about my feelings about my dad's death then by all means stop reading this and go to youtube and watch some videos of kittens doing adorable stuff like eating spaghetti or something.I mean its not very uplifting or even funny. This blog more for the people who feel his absence in their lives, but anyone is welcome to read it if you care. Or even if you really dont care but have nothing better to do for the next 2 minutes.
Dad has just been heavy on my mind this week, because this past week was the 2nd year anniversary of his death. And thinking about how he died makes me sad and so I thought maybe writing about how I feel may be therapeutic. I tried really hard to think of a light and funny way to write about it but suicide is just not funny. I mean, I googled "suicide jokes" and they really disappointed me. There was this one about why did the chicken commit suicide (to get to the other side, harhar) that was ok, but mostly I was really let down by the quality of suicide jokes available on the internet. So if you ever want to know some I really dont know any. Sorry to let you down.
But yeah so I have been thinking about him alot this week. I wish I was all zen and said stuff like "Well I bet he is just looking down at me and my kids and his family from heaven and just smiling. I bet he is fishing with Papaw. He is with God now so thats peachy" But the truth is when I think about him my thoughts are mostly sad, angry and regretful. Its been 2 years and frankly I am still so mad at him. Mad about the fact that he thought the only way out of his pain and misery was to end his life, mad that he never met his grandkids, mad that he let me down so much as a teenager and later young adult, mad that he wasnt there when I needed him over and over again, and mad that he didnt try harder in general. I am not saying its completely fair to him to be so angry but its just honestly how I feel. But the after the anger comes out, comes the sadness. I am sad that I will never get to repair our relationship, sad that Sawyer and Amelie wont get to grow up knowing him and seeing him at birthday parties or on Christmas, sad that I cant make any of it fit into this idea in my head of what its supposed to be like. Sad that I am never going to have this "normal" 90's sitcom family life.
The only comfort I have is that I genuinely have some great early childhood memories and he is the reason for alot of them. Dad really loved us kids for real. I really believe that even when things got so fractured between him and us that he never stopped loving us really.So if the Beatles are right and love is all you need well at least that part is covered. I think if he was still around he would love my kids too. I mean Sawyer loves fart jokes almost as much as dad did so they would have alot to talk about. So dad, if you are in the afterlife hanging out reading my blog, then I am mad at you still, but I forgive you for everything and I miss you and love you, and I really wish things could have been different.
Dad has just been heavy on my mind this week, because this past week was the 2nd year anniversary of his death. And thinking about how he died makes me sad and so I thought maybe writing about how I feel may be therapeutic. I tried really hard to think of a light and funny way to write about it but suicide is just not funny. I mean, I googled "suicide jokes" and they really disappointed me. There was this one about why did the chicken commit suicide (to get to the other side, harhar) that was ok, but mostly I was really let down by the quality of suicide jokes available on the internet. So if you ever want to know some I really dont know any. Sorry to let you down.
But yeah so I have been thinking about him alot this week. I wish I was all zen and said stuff like "Well I bet he is just looking down at me and my kids and his family from heaven and just smiling. I bet he is fishing with Papaw. He is with God now so thats peachy" But the truth is when I think about him my thoughts are mostly sad, angry and regretful. Its been 2 years and frankly I am still so mad at him. Mad about the fact that he thought the only way out of his pain and misery was to end his life, mad that he never met his grandkids, mad that he let me down so much as a teenager and later young adult, mad that he wasnt there when I needed him over and over again, and mad that he didnt try harder in general. I am not saying its completely fair to him to be so angry but its just honestly how I feel. But the after the anger comes out, comes the sadness. I am sad that I will never get to repair our relationship, sad that Sawyer and Amelie wont get to grow up knowing him and seeing him at birthday parties or on Christmas, sad that I cant make any of it fit into this idea in my head of what its supposed to be like. Sad that I am never going to have this "normal" 90's sitcom family life.
The only comfort I have is that I genuinely have some great early childhood memories and he is the reason for alot of them. Dad really loved us kids for real. I really believe that even when things got so fractured between him and us that he never stopped loving us really.So if the Beatles are right and love is all you need well at least that part is covered. I think if he was still around he would love my kids too. I mean Sawyer loves fart jokes almost as much as dad did so they would have alot to talk about. So dad, if you are in the afterlife hanging out reading my blog, then I am mad at you still, but I forgive you for everything and I miss you and love you, and I really wish things could have been different.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Its too bad he's never cried.
So it turns out working with a bunch of patients who are like mostly dying from cancer is sorta depressing. Who knew? When I was first offered the job I have now in oncology, they were like"This can be a very sad job, are you sure you can deal with it"? And really I wasnt that worried about the sadness part at the time. I was way more concerned that these people wanted me to do bone marrow biopsies on actual breathing people. I mean ME. I was all-" have these people met me?" I mean sometimes I dont have the coordination to make it across the parking lot without tripping a few times, and I dont have the technical skills to change a light bulb. I mean, hello, thats why I got married. And you want me to stick this giant needle where? The fact that I was eventually able to to not only learn how to do them well but also without throwing up all over people still amazes me to this day. Although I do kinda feel sorry for the first 25 or so people I did. Ok, really sorry. If I could send them a "Sorry you got a sucky bone marrow biopsy" card I totally would. But I doubt they make those.
The more I learn about cancer and treating it, the more comfortable I get with my job as far as having an idea of the whole picture and getting things done. Which is great and all, and I am really glad I no longer have that really bad anxiety about not having a clue what I am doing that people new to any field have to go through. The problem is, the more I understand, the more I am starting to feel like I should take a Prozac just to come to work sometimes. The other day I was seeing this younger woman who has this terrible cancer and we were talking about pedicures, shoes and stuff. And then she was talking about her child and I started talking about my kids some too. And all of a sudden it just hit me like a punch in the face that she probably wont live to see her child grow up because of the type of cancer she has. And suddenly I understand what all that means and I understand that she is absolutely going to die. And its like we are the same age so maybe thats why it felt so intense, but I got so nauseated and faint I had to sit down. I think I mumbled something and left the room and had to like cry somewhere.And I am not a cute crier. I am like one of those people whose whole face swells up like a marshmellow afterwards, so its a bad situation to cry at work.
I keep having more and more of those moments lately. The stupid thing is, is that I am genuinely surprised by how sad it is to take care of people dying from cancer. <insert joke here about rocking but not being made of stone. I am sooo freaking funny> Seriously though, sometimes I am just like I am not going to even get to know these people because they might die and it will make me sad, but since I am not capable of shutting up for more than ten consecutive minutes I am not very successful at that approach. No I ask about their jobs, families and lives and then get surprised when I get sad that they get sick and sometimes die. I am really not sure what to do about all of it, but I am not really sure that anyone who works in this type of field is.
The more I learn about cancer and treating it, the more comfortable I get with my job as far as having an idea of the whole picture and getting things done. Which is great and all, and I am really glad I no longer have that really bad anxiety about not having a clue what I am doing that people new to any field have to go through. The problem is, the more I understand, the more I am starting to feel like I should take a Prozac just to come to work sometimes. The other day I was seeing this younger woman who has this terrible cancer and we were talking about pedicures, shoes and stuff. And then she was talking about her child and I started talking about my kids some too. And all of a sudden it just hit me like a punch in the face that she probably wont live to see her child grow up because of the type of cancer she has. And suddenly I understand what all that means and I understand that she is absolutely going to die. And its like we are the same age so maybe thats why it felt so intense, but I got so nauseated and faint I had to sit down. I think I mumbled something and left the room and had to like cry somewhere.And I am not a cute crier. I am like one of those people whose whole face swells up like a marshmellow afterwards, so its a bad situation to cry at work.
I keep having more and more of those moments lately. The stupid thing is, is that I am genuinely surprised by how sad it is to take care of people dying from cancer. <insert joke here about rocking but not being made of stone. I am sooo freaking funny> Seriously though, sometimes I am just like I am not going to even get to know these people because they might die and it will make me sad, but since I am not capable of shutting up for more than ten consecutive minutes I am not very successful at that approach. No I ask about their jobs, families and lives and then get surprised when I get sad that they get sick and sometimes die. I am really not sure what to do about all of it, but I am not really sure that anyone who works in this type of field is.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
You are reading my blog. You are SO lucky.
For real, you are. Because instead of laying on a ventilator restrained in multi system organ failure or maybe being incarcerated or in a whale's stomach or something, you are probably sitting somewhere in the air conditioning reading this off your iphone or ipad or i-whatever.Also you are very lucky to be reading stuff that I write because I have really awesome stuff to say. And my mom thinks I am pretty witty. And my dog loves the crap out of me so I must be pretty cool.
It kind of hit me today that I might be too lucky, and this scares me. Because whenever things seem great I feel like the universe needs to balance things out and it makes me think something bad probably needs to happen. I mean, my kids are sooooo healthy. And also adorable. And fun. I think they are the best thing to ever happen to me and pretty much the world as a whole. And I am married to a pretty great guy, things are far from perfect but we have worked through so much conflict and somehow are not divorced and love each other anyways. And we both have good jobs and we can pay like all of our bills now. Like all of them. And sometimes there is even money left over. And I get to buy shoes with it. And I ate this really great curry for dinner with cupcake wine, which I love. Also I dont hate my job or really anything about my day to day life for the most part.
So that kind of makes me worry, I mean bad things happen all the time. Like women in some parts of Africa deal with genital mutilation, and also I went to find my favorite color of nail polish at Target the other day and they no longer carry it. I was totally devastated as you can imagine. I mean, what if more bad things happen to me? What if Project Runway or Dance Moms decides to quit making episodes or something? It could totally happen.
But seriously, looking at my little life and where I came from and where I have ended up it really makes me think that things could be so much worse. I have not always made good choices and I am incredibly lucky in so many ways. And thats not just sappy blog writing, its the truth. I mean I once thought that picking up a random hitchhiker would be a good way to deal with boredom when I was 16 and also once I wore socks with birkenstocks back in the 90's. Yep. So I look at my beautiful babies and everything around me and I hope that I can continue to be this lucky.
It kind of hit me today that I might be too lucky, and this scares me. Because whenever things seem great I feel like the universe needs to balance things out and it makes me think something bad probably needs to happen. I mean, my kids are sooooo healthy. And also adorable. And fun. I think they are the best thing to ever happen to me and pretty much the world as a whole. And I am married to a pretty great guy, things are far from perfect but we have worked through so much conflict and somehow are not divorced and love each other anyways. And we both have good jobs and we can pay like all of our bills now. Like all of them. And sometimes there is even money left over. And I get to buy shoes with it. And I ate this really great curry for dinner with cupcake wine, which I love. Also I dont hate my job or really anything about my day to day life for the most part.
So that kind of makes me worry, I mean bad things happen all the time. Like women in some parts of Africa deal with genital mutilation, and also I went to find my favorite color of nail polish at Target the other day and they no longer carry it. I was totally devastated as you can imagine. I mean, what if more bad things happen to me? What if Project Runway or Dance Moms decides to quit making episodes or something? It could totally happen.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
How did homophobia become a christian value anyways?
Ever since all this Chick-Fila b.s. exploded all over facebook, all of a sudden eating a chicken sandwich becomes like this moral and political issue, and requires not just about 1.99$, but also a really strong opinion about alot of things that have little to do with chicken. The crazy thing is Chick-Fila is like pretty much the only fastfood I like. They use better ingredients than the others and they have this cool indoor playground that keeps the kids out of my hair. So imagine my dismay when all of a sudden the only fastfood I have let my kids eat becomes the center of all this strong opinion. Why couldnt this have happened to Burger King or hell even Taco Bell? I probably wouldnt have even noticed. Although, I kinda dig Meximelts. And those cinnamon twist things kinda rock. So anyways, I was all you know I love gay people but I am still gonna eat there. I mean those chicken nuggets are so good, I mean what are they like coated with heroin or something? But then I saw it- this picture of some people outside of a Chick-Fila near my house in cow suits wearing a sign that says "God hates Fags".
Wow, really? You know I am not like super religious, but I consider myself fundamentally Christian ( And I like gay people, crazy I know) and I like to think I have a personal relationship with God. I mean mostly I just pray when I am asking for stuff, but sometimes I occasionally pray even when I dont need something. And yeah I am not a bible scholar- I mean I tried to read it once but lets face it- the Bible is totally boring. Sorry God, but it kinda is. But I do remember some stuff about love, tolerance and doing good for other people. And I am pretty sure God doesnt really "hate" anything, I mean God is the antithesis of hate really. God is light. And I like to think if God really decided to hate someone he would hate bigoted assholes who wear hateful and intolerant signs at fastfood restaurants that children are reading and call it "Christian family values". What if those signs said "God hates black people" or "God hates Jews"? The fact that more people are not outraged by this kinda worries me. I guess in Hitler's Germany no one was that freaked out about people were treating the Jews until the Holocaust began.
So, thanks alot douchebags with your hateful and poorly grammatically executed signs, because this Christian mommy will not be eating at Chick-Fila. I guess this is God's way of telling me that fastfood is not the best thing for my kids to eating anyways, even if they do have really cool playgrounds.
Wow, really? You know I am not like super religious, but I consider myself fundamentally Christian ( And I like gay people, crazy I know) and I like to think I have a personal relationship with God. I mean mostly I just pray when I am asking for stuff, but sometimes I occasionally pray even when I dont need something. And yeah I am not a bible scholar- I mean I tried to read it once but lets face it- the Bible is totally boring. Sorry God, but it kinda is. But I do remember some stuff about love, tolerance and doing good for other people. And I am pretty sure God doesnt really "hate" anything, I mean God is the antithesis of hate really. God is light. And I like to think if God really decided to hate someone he would hate bigoted assholes who wear hateful and intolerant signs at fastfood restaurants that children are reading and call it "Christian family values". What if those signs said "God hates black people" or "God hates Jews"? The fact that more people are not outraged by this kinda worries me. I guess in Hitler's Germany no one was that freaked out about people were treating the Jews until the Holocaust began.
So, thanks alot douchebags with your hateful and poorly grammatically executed signs, because this Christian mommy will not be eating at Chick-Fila. I guess this is God's way of telling me that fastfood is not the best thing for my kids to eating anyways, even if they do have really cool playgrounds.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Potty Training blows
I am so sick of thinking, reading, writing, talking and whining about the potty. I guess until I had toddlers I never gave much thought to how people just get the urge to pee or whatever and their brain sends this signal that says "wait, dont pee on yourself" and you go to this porcelain receptacle and wa-la. I thought maybe when Sawyer got to be around 2 I'd just be like "Hey, listen. Heres some Thomas underwear- could you just stop pissing yourself and start doing it in the bathroom like civilized people?" and he'd be like "Of course mother, lead the way". I never thought it would take so much freaking work. I never thought it would take him so long to care about not peeing himself. I certainly never thought I would spend a year waiting, begging, bribing and discussing it with him before he finally started to get it, making me sorta hate all those people who are all "Well my Mary Catherine, she just trained in one day. She is very bright though. Surely your poor son will get it by the time he goes to Kindergarten?"
Just this Monday he went to school in big boy underpants and he has done so well. Its finally happening, just when I thought he was gonna end up going to Kindergarten in his pull ups.And I am so proud of him. You would think he won the Nobel peace prize everytime he uses that thing, its making me tear up a little now.
Now if I could get Miss Amelie to join her big brother soon, that would be such a cakewalk. I get the feeling she will train much faster, she is already catching on much quicker. Her baby dolls even use the potty, as long as they get M&M's.
Just this Monday he went to school in big boy underpants and he has done so well. Its finally happening, just when I thought he was gonna end up going to Kindergarten in his pull ups.And I am so proud of him. You would think he won the Nobel peace prize everytime he uses that thing, its making me tear up a little now.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Mommy needs a glass of wine. Or maybe just a glass of sanity.
So far tonight Amelie dumped chocolate yogurt all over herself and then put the rest in her potty while I was trying to do the dishes and I am pretty sure Sawyer peed on the dog. Seriously. I tried to get them to eat real food for dinner, but eventually gave up and let Sawyer have saltines and popcorn. Again. I managed to get Amelie to bed, but now I am letting Sawyer sit up and watch He-man, master of the universe, because I dont have the energy to start the "please please go to sleep" nightly routine yet.
Just so you know- it was NOT supposed to be this way. When I got pregnant with Sawyer I had time, time, time and money in my bank account after I paid bills. It was totally weird. Anyways so I read every baby book known to man and I watched people with their kids in Walmart and judged them. Because when I had kids- people were going to see me and be all "Oh wow, thats Susannah. Her kids only eat organic, unprocessed sustainable food made with fresh local produce while they quietly review their educational materials. Maybe at somepoint she will let them watch television, but you know the American Academy of Pediatrics really doesnt recommend that until after they are at least 2. She is probably getting in from her yoga class, I think that must be how she stays a size 2."
The reality is more like "Oh yeah thats just Susannah. Why does she look so stressed out all the time? And are those her kids climbing on top of the kitchen table and jumping off of it?" So yeah sometimes reality bites. I mean I think Amelie probably ate something fruit-like today and I totally had 2 raging stomach viruses in a 2 week period once and managed to zip up a size 2 skirt for like a day so I mean small victories I guess.
But you know even though motherhood is not exactly turning out how I envisioned it, all the little small moments make it so worth it. I look down at their grubby cute little faces while they are sleeping sometimes and I love those little people so much it hurts a little down in my stomach. And I know that there is nothing I wont do for them and that everyday for the rest of my life I will get up, even though I dont feel like it and I would really rather be watching reality tv or something, and I will devote everybit of me to making sure that I am a better person because they need me to be. Its all very humbling.
Just so you know- it was NOT supposed to be this way. When I got pregnant with Sawyer I had time, time, time and money in my bank account after I paid bills. It was totally weird. Anyways so I read every baby book known to man and I watched people with their kids in Walmart and judged them. Because when I had kids- people were going to see me and be all "Oh wow, thats Susannah. Her kids only eat organic, unprocessed sustainable food made with fresh local produce while they quietly review their educational materials. Maybe at somepoint she will let them watch television, but you know the American Academy of Pediatrics really doesnt recommend that until after they are at least 2. She is probably getting in from her yoga class, I think that must be how she stays a size 2."
The reality is more like "Oh yeah thats just Susannah. Why does she look so stressed out all the time? And are those her kids climbing on top of the kitchen table and jumping off of it?" So yeah sometimes reality bites. I mean I think Amelie probably ate something fruit-like today and I totally had 2 raging stomach viruses in a 2 week period once and managed to zip up a size 2 skirt for like a day so I mean small victories I guess.
But you know even though motherhood is not exactly turning out how I envisioned it, all the little small moments make it so worth it. I look down at their grubby cute little faces while they are sleeping sometimes and I love those little people so much it hurts a little down in my stomach. And I know that there is nothing I wont do for them and that everyday for the rest of my life I will get up, even though I dont feel like it and I would really rather be watching reality tv or something, and I will devote everybit of me to making sure that I am a better person because they need me to be. Its all very humbling.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
I say really deep stuff on the internet
I dont really know much about blogging, or really like the best way to start a post, but yet I am sitting here drinking 10 dollar wine and typing shit anyways. It seems a little narcissistic- this whole blogging thing- like me and my little laptop have really insightful crap to say that needs to be shared with the world. Or like probably my mom and my husband- because likely no one else will read this. Huh- I say "like" alot.
But its kinda like (I know, sorry, I cant stop saying it) when you read the first paragraph of a book and you are completely judging whether you are going to invest yourself into a book or not. And if I am not taken in by the first few pages alot of the time I am all "you know what book, I am really freaking busy and there are other books out there. Like better books with really witty and insightful shit right there in the first few pages, and I think instead of reading you I may have to just move on with my life. Because I could totally read a better book." Or I could read about Tom and Katie's divorce in People magazine, or I could post wacky ecards on Pinterest, or even post crazy adorable pictures of my kids on facebook because no one ever gets tired of seeing those. Ever. I mean my kids are adorable.
So my point was this feels like a lot of pressure this whole starting a blog first post thing, because people (I'm talking to you mom) are totally judging me right now, and it feels a little anxious for me. Like I need to come up with something mind shattering and pull you in and then you can be all "oh wow, I was feeling really down on myself but then I read Susannah's blog and I think I will start eating organic and plant a garden or maybe just change my life". But I am tired and I have nothing, so sorry to let you down. You should really go down to the river, build a bridge and get over it because its really kind of presumptuous of you to expect all that just from reading a stupid blog. Get over yourself.
But its kinda like (I know, sorry, I cant stop saying it) when you read the first paragraph of a book and you are completely judging whether you are going to invest yourself into a book or not. And if I am not taken in by the first few pages alot of the time I am all "you know what book, I am really freaking busy and there are other books out there. Like better books with really witty and insightful shit right there in the first few pages, and I think instead of reading you I may have to just move on with my life. Because I could totally read a better book." Or I could read about Tom and Katie's divorce in People magazine, or I could post wacky ecards on Pinterest, or even post crazy adorable pictures of my kids on facebook because no one ever gets tired of seeing those. Ever. I mean my kids are adorable.
So my point was this feels like a lot of pressure this whole starting a blog first post thing, because people (I'm talking to you mom) are totally judging me right now, and it feels a little anxious for me. Like I need to come up with something mind shattering and pull you in and then you can be all "oh wow, I was feeling really down on myself but then I read Susannah's blog and I think I will start eating organic and plant a garden or maybe just change my life". But I am tired and I have nothing, so sorry to let you down. You should really go down to the river, build a bridge and get over it because its really kind of presumptuous of you to expect all that just from reading a stupid blog. Get over yourself.
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